Terms & Conditions
Customer Care
If you buy one book, I will mail you one book and think good thoughts about you.
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If you buy two books, I will mail you two books and say good things about you in random public settings.
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If you buy three books, I will mail you three books and consider naming a future character after you.
If you buy four books, I will mail you four books and describe your character as younger, thinner, and devilishly good looking.
If you buy five books, I will mail you five books. You will also become my new best friend. We can go on long walks together and pontificate our place in the universe. We will get matching BFF rings and talk about matching tattoos. You may end up on the Christmas Card list, and I may call you at random times and ask you the difference between affect and effect. ​
Privacy & Safety
I promise to only send you one email per month, at the most. Frankly I am not even sure I can do that. I will have to make stuff up. I will not sell your personal information to anyone unless they offer me a ridiculous amount of money. Ridiculous to me is any number followed by five zeros. I think you are safe for now.
Your banking information will be as safe as this website can make it. I can honestly say I am not savvy enough to steal your banking information and use it for personal gain. I have trouble setting the clock on my microwave, so cyber embezzlement is a tad out of my reach. ​
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Your security and privacy are very important to my business. I promise to take it seriously when I figure out where it is. I will always be fair in our dealings, and I will battle ferociously to protect and your E-money.
Wholesale Inquiries
I’m absolutely open to wholesale inquiries. It is my goal to sell my books in larger venues to larger audiences. I am willing to work with you and do my share of legwork to make this happen. Do not be afraid to reach out to me, I am a pleasure to talk to and often show up with homemade cookies. I am not saying the cookies are a bribe, but I am also not saying it's not a bribe.
Payment Methods
- Credit Cards
- Debit Cards
- PAYPAL