Shipping & Returns
Shipping Policy
USPS Media Mail is the most cost-effective way to ship books. Delivery normally takes between two and eight working days. Shipments weighing between pound amounts will be rounded up to the next whole number. Prices start at $4.63.
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1 lb. $4.63
2 lb. $5.38
3 lb. $6.13
4 lb. $6.88
5 lb. $7.63
6 lb. $8.38
7 lb. $9.13
8 lb. $9.88
9 lb. $10.63
10 lb. $11.38
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​​​If you buy one book, I will mail you one book and think good thoughts about you. ​
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If you buy two books, I will mail you two books and say good things about you in random public settings. ​
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If you buy three books, I will mail you three books and consider naming a future character after you.
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If you buy four books, I will mail you four books and describe your character as younger, thinner, and devilishly good looking.
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If you buy five books, I will mail you five books. You will also become my new best friend. We can go on long walks together and pontificate our place in the universe. We will get matching BFF rings and talk about matching tattoos. You may end up on the Christmas Card list, and I may call you at random times and ask you the difference between affect and effect. ​
Return & Exchange Policy
Books are unique in that they can be seen and read in a matter of hours. Reading them does not always leave signs of wear, despite the fact the authors intellectual property has been used or consumed.
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An unscrupulous person could buy, read, and return books on a daily basis while avoiding payment for the services provided.
If your book arrives damaged or unreadable, I will send you a new book. If you are unhappy with the book for another reason, please contact me and we can try and work something out together.
If you read the book but did not enjoy the book, that is a whole different kind of platypus. We can discuss it, but I will argue that you are wrong. My book is a literary delight to which your unsophisticated pallet fails to savor its delicious, tasty nuances.
You will not receive a refund; nor will you receive a Christmas card. Ask not for who the husky woos for; it woos for thee.